Early Summer 2009
'Never let 'em see you sweat!' was something I heard every day when I was in acting school. This phrase was so embedded in my psyche that when a heavy wooden ladder fell on my foot during a premature blackout on stage last year, I stifled a scream and 'acted' as if I wasn't in the searing pain that made it very difficult to scurry offstage for the next scene change. After all, 'the show must go on!'
Thinking the pain would go away on its own, I lived with an aching foot for months. Instead of getting better, though, the pain progressed to the point where I began developing a slight limp. After finally seeing an M.D., I learned that I had fractured my foot that night on stage, and because I never had it treated, I now have post-traumatic arthritis that will most likely be with me the rest of my life. Hey, I always thought 'time heals all wounds.' No?
I have a friend whose father abandoned her when she was 5. In the 25 years I've known her, she's only mentioned it once, and when she brought it up, she acted as if it was no biggee. Nobody ever sees her sweat, by golly. Yet while her 'show' goes on, I can't help but visualize the emotional arthritis and stiffness setting in like protective walls around her heart. While the results of my untreated 'wound' can be seen in my walk, hers are seen in troubled relationships and compromised health.
When it comes to wounds both physical and emotional, oh, how we want that quick fix, but if there's one thing I've learned this past year, it's that the 'show' doesn't go on just because we stifle our screams and act like everything's okay. Conversely, it seems that if we don't grieve and don't seek help when we're hurting, we end up carrying around an unhealed wound that can be just as crippling as any fracture in our physical body, oftentimes leading to secondary complications down the road.
My hope is that each of us can identify what we're truly feeling and express it--that we'll uncover what needs to be uncovered, grieve what needs to be grieved, heal what needs to be healed, and move on to a new day! While we don't need to let everybody see us 'sweat,' may we all be blessed with those certain dear souls with whom we can share our pain. Wishing us all a year of deep healing and better times!